Good Riddance 2015, Hello 2016

31 Dec

Aaah New Year’s Eve. While a lot of people are probably getting ready for a fun evening out, I’m at home with my cat eating a sandwich and contemplating an early night. The Christmas tree has been packed away and the festivities are over.

I’m ready to say goodbye to 2015.

This year was the most difficult year of my life to get through. I’m not sure if it’s because it’s the most recent and all of the hardships are still very present in my mind, or because it was actually pretty sh*t. It wasn’t a good year financially, emotionally, physically, romantically, mentally.

I guess it kind of started in the latter half of 2014 when there were a number of deaths, a couple of which were totally unexpected. I feel like I went to more than my fair share of funerals last year. And then there was some fall out after one of them that had repercussions months and months afterwards.

Then I had my unexpected trip to the hospital emergency in March where I finally got the answer to why I hadn’t been feeling good for such a long time. It turned out I had a massive (10cm) cyst on my left ovary that had to be removed. I elected to have surgery in April in a private hospital, but found out the hard way that I wasn’t adequately covered by my private health insurance. I had to pay an astronomical bill afterwards which hit me pretty badly both financially and emotionally. I felt pretty stupid about the decisions I’d made and that I should have known better. Luckily, I have supportive friends and family who really helped me out during that time.

After my surgery, I got an infection and felt pretty poorly for a while afterwards. But I was on the mend and focussed on getting better. I started to feel bad again a couple of months later. This time, I thought, I won’t let it drag on for months and months like I did before. I decided to go back to the doctors in September and get some more tests done to see if I had any more cysts. And I did: three new ones, though not as large as the original one. One on the left and two on the right. Surgery was scheduled again for December.

In November, the guy that I had been interested in for the better part of two years and I’d built up this whole fantasy world in my head of us getting together at some point completely shocked me by getting married! This sounds pretty weird–how could I not know that he had a girlfriend or fiancee? But we weren’t friends on Facebook and he never, ever mentioned anything about a significant other in the entire time we’d known each other. You’d think it would have come up in conversation at some point, wouldn’t you? We’d talk about all sorts of things, and I’m sure I said some pretty inappropriate things during that time. I felt devastated and so upset with myself for letting my imagination get away with me. Now I feel like I’ve wasted all this time pining for someone who was never mine in the first place. I’m back to square one with finding a kindred spirit. Maybe I’ll be a single, crazy cat lady forever.

So, I had my second surgery a fortnight ago. This time I was actually covered by my (new) health insurance, and I’ve decided to try a hormone treatment to see if it will stop new cysts forming on my ovaries. I had that option last time but I thought I would be fine. Wrong. I feel like this surgery was my “do-over”, where I got to do things the right way and make the right decisions. Here’s to hoping that the hormone treatment will work, because I’m not particularly fond of the whole surgery and hospital experience.

Christmas has been and gone. I spent actual Christmas Day with my sister but we were both pretty miserable. There were uncontrollable tears. We had a family Christmas on Sunday, which was far better. No crying there, thank goodness.

Which brings me to now. This year’s mantra has been “this too shall pass”. It’s been a bad year, yes, but the bad can’t last forever, right? Plus my year has probably been a bunch of rainbows compared to many peoples’ out there in the world, so I can’t wallow in self pity forever. Life has to move on. At least that what I keep telling myself.

I’ve decided 2016 has to be better. Please, please, it has to be better than the past twelve months.

Sorry for the bummer post. I kind of felt like I needed to acknowledge that this year has been poopy. But onwards and upwards into the New Year. Fingers crossed it’s going to be a good one.

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One Response to “Good Riddance 2015, Hello 2016”

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Goodbye 2016, Hello 2017 | bearinthere - 31/12/2016

    […] be that I had to move house twice this year and I nearly had a nervous breakdown. According to last year’s post, my mantra for the year was “this too shall pass” and that’s exactly what […]

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